Discarded draft of Corona’s opening statement found?


Chief justice corona to bare all—

MANILA—Impeachment prosecutors are scrutinizing a supposedly discarded draft of Chief Justice Renato Corona’s opening statement, which he is expected to deliver when he testifies in the Senate.

A scavenger rifling through the garbage bin in the posh Bellagio condominium in Taguig, where Justice Corona has a penthouse unit, found a crumpled but “important looking” sheet of paper and turned it over to a member of the impeachment prosecution team. The draft includes scripted instructions for delivery. The scavenger asked for anonymity to protect his livelihood.

The purported opening statement could have been drafted by the Chief Justice himself, someone from his defense panel, or by just a member of their staff. Members of the defense counsel unanimously denied that their client wrote it.

Here’s the text of the draft obtained by

DISTINGUISHED SENATORS of this very independent branch of our government; very impartial Senate President and presiding officer and still good-looking Johnny Ponce Enrile; even more impartial and honorable Senators Miriam Santiago, Joker Arroyo, Ramon “Bong” Revilla, Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos, Manuel Villar and Lito Lapid; I come before you to present my [CHOOSE ONE: (testimony) (resignation)].

First, let me clarify one thing. I have come here fully clothed, contrary to a report of the pro-Aquino No, I will not do an oblation because I did not graduate from UP. I graduated from Ateneo where, according to reliable sources, I finished with top honors, which is almost as good as earning my doctorate from the University of Santo Tomas.

[BREAK THE ICE WITH A JOKE] Before I proceed with my [CHOOSE ONE: (testimony) (resignation)], I must explain that my chief counsel, the Honorable Serafin Cuevas, is the unrivaled master of legal technicalities. But he’s so old and actually very low-tech he thought the ombudsman’s PowerPoint was a lantern—hence, the “lantern of lies” statement. I declare him guilty of this mistake, but we must grant him parol(e). [WAIT FOR LAUGHTER TO DIE DOWN]

I come here before you to accept your judgment. This is my Gethsemane, where I willingly await my crucifixion. [GAZE REVERENTLY SKYWARD] This looks like the beginning of my Via Dolorosa, but my Calvary started earlier, when I sided with the oppressed peasants of Hacienda Luisita, who are so poor not even one of them has a dollar account. That’s when the conspiracy against me and my independent Judiciary intensified. [PAUSE]

The vengeful conspirators have whipped me, mocked and cursed me, and crowned me with thorns. [LOOK HURT] Fake surveys concocted by malicious organizations show that the majority of the Filipino people distrust me. This fake sentiment has been manufactured by the vengeful President Aquino. He orchestrated this fraudulent impeachment to put a gun to my head, as if to say, “Baka gusto mong pasabugin ko ang ulo mo.” Yet I, a humble, modestly paid public servant, stand bloody, but unbowed [WAIT FOR APPLAUSE TO END].

In my testimony before this august body, I will answer all the baseless allegations—any and all your questions with frankness. I will be a transparent lantern of truth. Let me preface my testimony with two general statements. [PAUSE FOR GRAVITAS]

One, as a man of no ordinary means, I indeed own a few valuable properties as I declared in my SALN. But several other multimillion-peso properties that are supposedly mine but undeclared, including the ones in America, are in the name of my daughters who are hardworking wage earners in their own right.

Two, I am an employee of the Filipino people. Contrary to malicious allegations, I have not stolen and hidden money from the Filipino people. Why would I? They are not my in-laws and we are not a family corporation.

Finally, before I face your inquiry, no matter how this proceeding concludes, I want to offer a patriotic service to our Motherland, which is being bullied by that powerful original homeland of the Cojuangcos and the Aquinos—CHINA—which insists that it owns our sacred Panatag or Scarborough Shoal. [LET STATEMENT SINK IN]

From the musty records of your independent Judiciary I have retrieved legal proof that China cannot claim such ownership, regardless of the supposed 15th century discovery by Moo Goo Gai Pan or Mu Shu Pork or whoever. [PAUSE FOR EFFECT]

In the spirit of patriotic self-sacrifice, I hereby offer documentary evidence that China does not own Panatag Shoal [WAVE THE DOCUMENT] As you will see, the title to that piece property is in the name of one of my daughters, Carla. (Discarded draft ends here—ed.)

The draft was obviously rejected. The margins bear scribbled remarks like “Less than acceptable,” “too honest,” “corny po yung joke” and “reminder—he’s not supposed to be a hostile witness!!”

As of press time, the prosecution panel concluded that the draft has no probative value.

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Disclaimer: The comments uploaded on this site do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of management and owner of We reserve the right to exclude comments that we deem to be inconsistent with our editorial standards.

  • bakler

    This article is GARBAGE! Whatever happened to Ethics among Journalists, Editors and Publishers.. or what ever happened to the INQUIRER????

    • Amabel Joy Maranan Marasigan

       whatever happened to your sense of humor? or common sense?

  • bakler

    hay naku namannnnn… hindi na anonymous, ngayon ay scavenger na….BWABAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • gavinomas

      o, nahalata mo na joke lang pala pa-ethics ethics ka pa di mo naman naintindihan. Typical ba yang IQ mo sa INC (iglesia ni corona) followers?

  • hustlergalore

    seryoso? ang mga corona tards napikon dito?

    kaya pala, inaatake kuno-kunohan sa puso e. LOL

  • Ben

    We must press the government to amend the constitution to allow US bases in remote areas in the western plank of our country. This is too much for an ordinary person to take, we know when war comes most of the senators, congressmen and even PNoy will fly to Washington to escape if in case there will be bombing.

    We the people, must press our politicians, as we pressure the Chinese embassy with our rallies, but at the same time rally also in front of Cognress and the senate to stop being the grasshopper here, the LEGISLATIVE SHOULD FINISH THE IMPEACHMENT TRAIL NOW!!!! or as soon as possible and all MUST get back to the task at hand of having a united approach to deal the menacing Communist China, Congress, Senate and PNoy have to act now and decisively!!!! They have to amend the constitution now!!! They have to renew the AFP modernization now!!! They have to strengthen the economy to support the AFP funding now!!!!!!

    All this political jockeying in the senate, congress and even PNoy is already too much and I demand that they should resolve this already or we the people should show our intense displeasure to our government…China is only an instrument here of our ningas cogon, manyana habit and politcking, the real problem in this country is our government inaction to things that are too important to ignore!!!! I hate this country I do hope all the trapos will no longer win in the next election, people we should show our intense displeasure with our government ineptness!!!!!

    Is Ninoy right when he said, ” Filipinos are worth dying for”?, I hope we all go to h#$%%% now, if our government will just ignore this and we the ordinary people are just the one being affected by this so much…we the people still have the last card to affect change, DO NOT VOTE THE TRAPOS, HOWEVER THEY CHANGE THEIR PARTY AFFILIATIONS AND NAMES THEY ARE ALL THE SAME UGLY ROTTING FACES, THE SAME INEPT PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT THIS COUNTRY DOWN!!!!!. And now they are still campaigning to be elected, how dare kapal talaga ng mga mukha ng mga ito!!!

  • WeAry_Bat

    Hehehe, I held off reading this article.  Should’ve read earlier.

  • im_not_convinced

    wow sa basurahan pala nangagaling material ng prosecution/ PDI. doesn’t deserve space in the paper.

  • juan_tanga

    t@nga lang ang mapikon sa sulat na to. mga b0bo!

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