Thought comes to the archbishop

Can a brother marry his sister? “Yes,” according to retired Archbishop Oscar Cruz, as long as he’s gay and she’s a lesbian.

“Hold it, hold it right there! That’s not what the good archbishop said!”

As you can see, I’m being rudely interrupted, by no less than Dr. Teologio Macadios of the Pandacan Theological Seminary.

“Archbishop Cruz said ‘yes,’ gays can marry, so long as it’s with the opposite sex. It’s okay for a gay man to marry a lesbian woman—because the anatomy to consummate a union for procreation is there.”

I stand corrected. Apologies all around. That’s indeed what the archbishop–the judicial vicar of the august Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines–may have declared at the National Appellate Matrimonial Tribunal last week.

He even confessed, “I ask this question to myself and I have thought about it for a long time, and the answer is ‘yes.’”

Still, it’s good to know that a brother can now marry his sister, so long as they’re both homosexuals and belong to different religious orders.

“Wait! Hold it there again! Priests can’t marry nuns, stupid!”

Even if they’re gays and have the anatomies for conception?

“Yes, because of their vows of celibacy, you idiot.”

I apologize for being thoroughly confused. But one other thing. If the Church says it’s okay for gay men to marry gay women, then isn’t it easier for them to split up later compared with, say, heterosexual couples.

“Why is that so? I’m fast losing my patience. Explain that to me.”

Because the archbishop himself said at the conference–homosexuality is valid grounds for marriage annulment. So, gay men can marry lesbians but they shouldn’t anyway because the marriage doesn’t hold water in the first place? Boy, no wonder Archbishop Cruz thought about this for a long time. It must’ve been a painful sight.

“Let me help unburden you two on this theological conundrum.”

As you can see, Dr. Macadios and I are being interrupted by no less than that legal eagle Atty. Manny Obra, a name partner at Obra, Cadabra Law Office on Nueva Street, near Escolta. Obra was a magna cum laude grad of D’Excellent School of Law, also in Pandacan.

“According to Archbishop Cruz’s thesis, so long as the capacity to consummate a union for conception is present, the marriage is valid. So yes, according to him, you can marry your sister if the law allows it, but you can’t marry your brother.”

But what about love? What’s love got to do with it, to quote Tina Turner? Does it matter? Is biology the only consideration in marriage? What if Eve really loves Eve instead of Steve, why is it that Eve can only marry Steve and vice versa but not vice versa, reverse respectively?

“As a name partner of the prestigious Obra, Cadabra Law Office, I must say without reservation that Archbishop Cruz’s logic is thoroughly, completely and utterly defensible in any court of law. He can acquit himself hands down.”

Really? Why? How?

“I recognize temporary insanity when I see it.”