Families Beyond Borders: Cefam at 25

In 1987, three Jesuits—Fathers Ruben Tanseco, Ted Gonzales and Nilo Tanalega—established the Center for Family Ministries (Cefam) to nurture Filipino families.

Cefam, based at the Loyola School of Theology, would become a by-word in the next quarter century for  promoting emotional health among families in the Philippines and Southeast Asia. They also offer diploma courses on various aspects of family ministry. Today, with labor migration going strong, the center reaches out to Filipino families all over the world.

Many overseas workers have sought counsel and solace at Cefam, says Fr. Ted, its program director. Counselor Herald Cruz has conducted workshops and done extensive counseling in Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong and England.

Observes Cruz: “The rot begins in the marriage, couples grow apart with physical separation, infidelity sets in, miscommunication happens.”

“Can the marriage handle the separation? Will previous unresolved issues  disintegrate  the marriage?” he poses.

His advice: “Communicate … Use available technology and keep in touch with the kids in a way that is consistent, affirming and loving.”

Across distances, hope burns brightly. Fr. Ted tells a moving story about a woman  weighted down by so much debt that she  had to work abroad as a domestic. Her husband, too, went to work in another country, in the process marrying another woman so he could legally stay on. The migrant mom kept constantly in touch with her children, always connecting. Finally after long years of separation, she was able to reunite with them, and her husband.  She sought counseling to heal wounds brought on by the gap of so many years. “Despite adversity, she kept her family together and kept the spirit alive,” Fr. Ted relates.

“Families can find ways,” Fr. Ted believes, “no matter how heartbroken.”

“All sailors have a girl in every port? False,” says Fr. Ted “ Flor, a seaman, keeps in constant touch with his family and  prays. He makes sure that resources are preserved. He also brings back  enhanced skills and a broader perspective gained from exposure to other cultures.”

There was a family who had lost their mother, Fr. Ted continues. She was an admirable woman who worked abroad starting as a maintenance person until she became the vice president of a bank. When she suddenly passed away, her devastated family came back to the Philippines. Facing their grief, each one was asked how they would remember her? “She was a good cook, organizing  fun times,” said one. Each one had a story, and from there they agreed to build life anew, taking on her various roles to perpetuate her memory. “This was a way out of grief for this OFW family.”

Healing and resilience, courage and perseverance, preservation of resources and values—these are the intangible pluses that do not figure in the gross income reflected in remittance  statistics, he said.

“Hope will triumph always” says Fr. Ted. “Distance can be overcome.” Some bring other family members abroad, others bring their faith.”

If love lives, the Filipino family will not only survive, but also thrive  beyond borders.