A Filipino parent’s guide to dealing with Pacquiao’s loss

SAN FRANCISCO—“Pacquiao lost?” my son asked, a look of disbelief on his face.

Now, my panganay is not really a boxing fan. His reaction was based not so much on disappointment, but surprise.

I quickly realized why. Ever since he was about five he has heard about this famous fighter and beloved public figure from the Philippines named Manny Pacquaio who always won.

But this time he didn’t win?

I suspect that’s also true for many young Filipinos who grew up in the age of Pacquiao – including those who weren’t really interested in him or in boxing.

For nearly a decade, we’ve dealt with a host of uplifting and not-so-uplifting events from natural disasters, impeachment, massacres, tensions with a giant of a neighbor to the north to the Jessica Sanchez’s second place finish in American Idol.

Until Saturday night, one thing had remained constant: Pacquiaio always won. Suddenly, that’s no longer true.

Yes, the outcome of the fight was controversial and is still being debated. But maybe we should make time to focus on how Pinoy parents can frame this defeat for our children.

Pacquiao has become such an important symbol for Filipinos that his defeat understandably hurts. He can push for a rematch, or the much-hyped showdown with Floyd Mayweather.

But then again there’s no dishonor in simply saying, ‘It’s time to hang up the gloves and move on.’

Pacquiao has had a great run. He’s already had a kind of rags-to-riches, underdog-to-champ Disney movie of a life. No need to hope for a Disney movie ending.

Instead, he can join other sports figures that never had Disney movie endings, who remembered as great athletes despite suffering defeat.

Take one of the greatest figure skaters in history.

Michelle Kwan was a dominant force in the ice-skating world, winning U.S. and world championships. But she also failed repeatedly in her quest for the sport’s top prize, the Olympic gold.

I actually think she’s a valuable role model for young people in a world obsessed with Hollywood movie storylines: Hero or heroine struggles, faces set back, pushes hard, eventually triumphs.

For despite all the hard work she put in, Kwan lost at the Olympics.  But then again, she did so with incredible grace and poise.

In fact, there are three key life lessons that I hope and pray my children eventually learn.

Lesson One, if you work hard, push hard, try your best, chances are that you will succeed and win.

Lesson Two, if you are lazy, complacent, afraid to try, chances are that you’ll fail and lose.

Lesson Three is the toughest.  And this lesson resonates given that Pacquiao was known to have prepared really hard for the Bradley fight: that even if you work hard, push hard, try your best, give it your all, there will be times when you may still fail and lose.

On the other hand, the one “lesson” – let’s call in Lesson Negative One — which I hope my sons never learn is this: That even if you don’t try your best, don’t care, don’t work hard, you can still emerge a winner.

That sometimes happens, of course, usually to children who are either extraordinarily gifted, or have incredible advantages such as a rich family, or are just lucky.

But for most, getting too accustomed to winning, especially at an early age, can be a disadvantage – a ball and chain that prevents one from moving forward, from learning from the inevitable fact that life is also about failing.

My oldest son had a chance to learn these lessons in Little League baseball. He even came face to face with the last point, Lesson Negative One.

In his first year, his team won all, except one, of their games. It wasn’t because his team was exceptionally talented — their opponents were just really awful.  My son and his teammates got so cocky, some of us parents started to worry.

But that cockiness eventually backfired the following year.

The following season turned out to be the opposite of his first. His new team lost their first five games, before finally winning one. In the end, they had more losses than victories.

For my son, it was a year of brilliant plays, but also strikeouts and fumbled catches. During the last few games of the season, he did not have a single hit.

It was tough to watch. But I suspect the whole experience put more steel into him. I push my kids to get the highest grades and to excel at whatever they do.

But learning to deal with a range of emotions is just as, if not more important. And that includes failure.

He has since moved on to get better and even excel in other fields, from school work to archery and music.

No need to worry about Pacquiao, of course. He’s set for life. Despite the loss, he’ll be remembered as the boxer who made boxing exciting and popular again. He may even come back from this setback.

To be honest, what’s probably more worrisome is the looming possibility that he will fail in his new career as a politician. For Pacquiao now appears to be morphing from valiant warrior in the ring to bumbling, incoherent trapo standing up for the most backward views of the Catholic hierarchy.

But that’s another story. The focus for now is this setback in his boxing career.

It’s shocking, yes.

But then again, it may also be an opportunity to highlight for our children important life lessons about winning and losing. To remind them that even in the age of the once invincible Pacquiao, life is about winning — and losing.

On Twitter @KuwentoPimentel. On Facebook at www.facebook.com/benjamin.pimentel