via The Korea Herald/Asia News Network
Babies are cherished everywhere, but in South Korea, they hold greater significance than in most places.
The country has officially entered into a “super-aged society” this year, where over 20 percent of the population is aged 65 or older, and has one of the world’s lowest fertility rates, at just 0.72, meaning 72 babies born for every 100 women over their lifetimes. Yet, the joy surrounding babies continues to be confined to traditional family structures.
From an aspiring mom undergoing multiple rounds of IVF — sacrificing her career and social life – to a gay couple and unmarried single women raising children of their own, the following are stories of desperate or unconventional journeys to parenthood.
‘I’ve quit job to focus on battling infertility’
A screenshot of a video filmed by Kim while administering an ovulation injection in her abdomen. (YouTube channel Tida via The Korea Herald/Asia News Network)
Kim Ju-gyeong, 38, quit her job after being diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” in 2022.
READ: S. Korea pushes for better work-life balance to ease falling birth rate
She has since undergone multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization, a medical procedure where sperm and eggs are combined in a lab to produce an embryo, which is then implanted into the mother’s uterus.
“When I first started the treatment, I was working, but after several miscarriages following embryo transfers, I became too mentally and physically exhausted to continue with my job,” Kim said in an interview with The Korea Herald.
“I had to take hormone injections to stimulate ovulation and take related medication at specific times every day, which was difficult to manage while working. I often had to go to the hospital more than three times a week.”
Her once outgoing lifestyle completely changed after she started IVF, which requires a healthy low-carb diet to promote the active secretion of hormones that stimulate ovulation.
“I gave up alcohol, coffee, and desserts. To keep up with my diet, I cut back on hanging out with friends. I used to enjoy going out, but now I mostly stay in because I need to put all my effort into trying to get pregnant.”
Each round of IVF costs between 2 million won and 3 million won ($1,390-$2,090), according to Kim. She has undergone a total of seven embryo transfers, five of which resulted in miscarriages.
The various side effects from the ovarian stimulation injections, such as headaches, dizziness, and rapid weight gain, caused her to fall into depression.
READ: In South Korea, world’s lowest fertility rate plunges again in 2023
Kim has endured tough times by filming vlogs documenting her preparations for IVF treatment to connect with women in similar situations.
“I started feeling depressed because I was alone. I felt like I might break down before even having a baby, so I decided to share my story with someone,” she said.
“I’m glad to see comments from people saying that my videos about overcoming infertility have given them strength, but it also makes me sad to think about how many others are going through the same struggles. I truly hope that angels will come to everyone who sincerely wants a child.”
Parenthood through surrogacy
A photo of Johnny Lee, his husband, and their two boys. (Courtesy of Lee via The Korea Herald/Asia News Network)
Some same-sex couples pursue surrogacy as a way to realize their dream of becoming parents.
Johnny Lee, a 44-year-old Korean American living in New York, is a father of two boys, aged 4 and 6, both of whom were born through surrogacy.
Lee tied the knot with his partner on June 24, 2011, the day same-sex marriage was legalized in the city.
The couple, who had long desired to have a child, decided in 2017 to seek the help of a surrogate.
“We were very clear on our desire to become parents and had expressed this desire early in our relationship,” Lee said in an interview with The Korea Herald.
The couple worked with a local surrogacy agency to find an egg donor and a surrogate for the pregnancy and delivery. The donor‘s eggs were fertilized with the sperm of both partners, and the resulting embryo was implanted into their surrogate’s uterus.
During the 10 months the surrogate carried the baby, the intended parents covered the costs of essential medical care and tests, while maintaining constant communication with her to provide emotional support.
The surrogate‘s delivery was carried out via a scheduled cesarean section, and on the day of the birth, the baby was placed in their arms after spending a few hours with the surrogate.
A photo of Johnny Lee, his husband, and their two boys. (Courtesy of Lee via The Korea Herald/Asia News Network)
“The surrogacy process involves significant emotional, financial, and psychological investment. Our surrogate offered breastmilk for our children. We still keep in touch through emails and text messages with our surrogate.”
In the US, the cost of childbirth through surrogacy typically ranges around $70,000 — equal to more than 100 million won — though it can vary depending on the agency selected.
Lee emphasized the importance of embracing diverse family structures in response to the criticism of same-sex parents.
“We faced hatred and backlash on social media (after revealing the fact that we had children through surrogacy. As a gay Korean American dad who built a family through surrogacy, I can attest that family is built on love, trust, and commitment, not on a narrow definition of what that structure should look like,” he said.
“Whether it’s two dads, two moms, or a single parent, the focus should be on creating a nurturing and supportive environment for children.”
Voluntary single motherhood
Sayuri and her son Jen (Instagram)
Young women who do not wish to marry but still desire to become mothers are reshaping the conversation around family and parenthood in Korea, where traditional family structures have long been upheld.
Most recently, model Moon Ga-bi made headlines for having a child with actor Jeong Woo-sung out of wedlock, defying traditional expectations of marriage before motherhood.
Sayuri, one of the most famous Japanese TV personalities living in Korea, stirred up a debate about non-marital childbirth in 2020 when she gave birth to a baby after getting pregnant through a sperm bank in Japan.
Cases of non-marital childbirth among celebrities have gradually shifted Korean women’s perceptions of children born outside of marriage.
A 29-year-old single mother, Ryu Ji-ho, who is raising a 4-year-old girl, told The Korea Herald that although economic difficulties are tough, she doesn‘t feel that being without a husband is as challenging as expected.
”Women who don’t want to be tied to marriage may find non-marital childbirth a viable path, as long as they have the financial means,“ she said.
Meanwhile, a recent survey conducted data consulting firm PMAI on 3,000 men and women aged 18 and over across the nation revealed that 30.3 percent of the respondents expressed support for non-marital childbirth.
More than 35 percent of the respondents in their 20s and 30s advocated for non-marital childbirth. In contrast, the support rate among those aged 60 and over was relatively low at 20.8 percent.