Mom experience
“Nothing ever becomes real until it is experienced. Even a proverb is no proverb until your life illustrated it.”
— John Keats
The working mother’s experience: This is a balancing act much like walking on a trapeze. Through her job, the working mother expands her horizons wherever she goes and the experience increases her satisfaction with her life. But she makes sure this satisfaction balances with her responsibility to take care of her husband, her children and the home. For 10 years, it was a great experience for me to multi-task every day for my family. I felt competent and my self-esteem was high. I think this brushed off on my children to be productive today.
The work-at-home mother’s experience: One day, my friend visited me at home when I had just resigned from working in a company for eight years. I noted the tone of pity in her voice as she told me I may not grow much as a person anymore by just staying in the house. Emphasis: “just.” Do I look like someone who sits around all day, watching soaps by day and reality shows by night? Just as I was a working mom before, I know I still have two jobs even at home—the housewife and the professional. It takes great skill to clean the house, cook the meals, do all the grocery shopping, budget and market. I even troubleshoot my computer or fix a broken door or stop a leaking faucet. Who says staying at home is only a “just”?
The mothers separated from their newborn experience: For multiple reasons like the baby is sick, the mother is sick, the mother giving up the baby for adoption, or to some abandoning them, the mother goes through a major emotional strain where feelings of despair, powerlessness, homelessness and disappointment are overwhelming. Lack of control included emotional instability, threat, guilt and insecurity.
The mothers leaving their child for the first time in the care of others experience. Though this is not as heart-breaking as the mother who is separated from her newborn, the experience can still be distressing especially if you see your child is unhappy and doesn’t want to be left alone. When my first born was old enough to start nursery, I ignored work for three days. My heart skipped a million beats when I let go of his hand and he hesitatingly entered the classroom. Twice, I saw how he wanted to turn back but all he can do was control himself not to cry. And despite the teacher’s instruction for parents not to hover outside the room, I couldn’t help but continuously sneak a peep at how my son was doing.
The mothers losing their husbands experience. After only 10 years as a working wife, the experience became doubly daunting when I lost my husband to cancer. From balancing work with house chores, I know I have shifted my role into something more critical because I had assumed the breadwinning role. It’s been a tough ride and I know widows like me know what I’m talking about—the lonely nights, the silent dramas of the heart, the purse-pinching periods and the psychological battles of raising children single-handedly.
Mothers seeing their children get married experience. I still have to experience this, therefore, following Keats’ statement, I don’t know the reality yet. But I can anticipate the feeling already. With my three children in their 20s now and their father deceased, I’m sure it’s not going to be easy giving them away by myself. I remember standing as sponsor to a childhood friend of my daughter who married young at 18 years old. When I saw her walk down the aisle, I felt hot tears threatening to fall down my face because I knew this young girl since she was a little girl. Imagine how I would act when my only daughter would one day walk the aisle, too! For now, it’s not the reality yet, so I choose to be happy on a day to day basis with her.
These are just the tips of the big iceberg containing the experiences of a mother. Until a girl gets to become a mother herself, she wouldn’t know the reality of nurturing, caring, loving and sacrificing. A woman would not know the true essence of her state until she will become the mother of her child.
Mothers are made of hard stuff. You just can’t crack them to fall. But you can melt their hearts easily with a hug, a kiss, a praise, a “thank you” and an “I love you.”
God honors mothers in Proverbs 31:10-12 and 25-31: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She is clothed with strength and dignity; he can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
Today is Mother’s Day. For all their sacrifices, it is fitting to melt their hearts today. Spend a special moment with them today and complete it with a hug, a kiss, a praise, a “thank you” and an “I love you.”
And may our acts today be forevermore.
