Living apart vs living together

Philippe and Dianne have lived in Europe for more than 20 years. They have been working there with no working permits.

They left their three kids who were then 5, 7 and 10 to Philippe’s parents. It was hard for them but they still stuck to their plan of working abroad. They have made a promise not to stay abroad for too long, that they will return home for they have to prepare and earn for their children’s future.

Their children who were still minors at that time could not do anything to stop them. Besides they still could not understand why their parents need to go overseas. Moreover, they cannot stop them from their decision of working abroad.

Their children’s financial and basic needs were met. The kids were doing great back in the Philippines.

They have been sending their children ample amount of money for their monthly expenses under the care of their grandparents. Both of them were working abroad that is why they were also earning big.

Philippe’s parents have been wise in spending money on their grandchildren. They are not luxurious and they did not spoil them. Their children were also good to their grandparents and were doing well in school with good grades.

They write letters regularly to their parents in Europe. They have also experienced recording their voices in a cassette tapes as their message to their parents.

Even though they repeatedly mentioned on their voice messages and letters that they really miss their parents and asked them always when will they return home; their parents would answer that they also miss them so much, but they do not know which specific day or year they could come home.

Philippe and Diane could not promise any specific date on when they will return home because they did not have legal papers when they went to Europe. Philippe and Dianne were illegal or TNT (tago ng tago, illegal aliens) in Europe.

They desire to return home and be with their children but they could not do anything and just hope that they be issued legal documents so they could return and still work in Europe, and continue with the life they got used to.

The kind of life that they lived as a couple working overseas but was not able to perform their roles as parents who were supposed to guide their children while growing up. Their kids grew up with their grandparents instead.

After 10 years of working abroad, Philippe and Dianne finally got the chance to return home in the Philippines. Immediately, they booked their return flights.

The first days and months of being together as a family were joyful. But as days passed by, they were beginning to feel uncomfortable with each other.

The couple wants to go back to Europe. Whereas, their children could not also tell them that they wanted them to go because their parents’ disciplinary actions were suffocating, for they were not used to it.

They just couldn’t tell their parents that they are OK already and prefer the kind of setup wherein they’re more comfortable living apart than living together.

In this family, working overseas did not serve its original purpose on why they have to leave the children, in just a short period of time, to earn an initial capital for a start. Then building a family in which they are supposed to be living together and loving one another unconditionally and staying together through thick or thin.

Susan Andes, aka Susan K., can be heard over Radyo Inquirer dzIQ 990AM, Monday to Friday, 10:30 am-12 noon. Audio/video live streaming is at www.ustream.tv/channel/dziq. Visit her website at www.bantayocwfoundation.org. Helpline: 0927-6499870, e-mail: [email protected]/[email protected].