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CANADA?Raising your children in another country is very challenging. There are numerous factors that can influence the children once they are outside the house. The worst part is, oftentimes the parents have no control over these factors.
Most of us have been brought up in conservative families and moving to a more liberal place causes culture shock. It is not only the parents who experience this, but the kids as well. They suffer the dilemma of whether to go with or against the trend. A lot of them end up changing themselves entirely just to fit in, especially when they start to attend school.
I had a teenager, two grade schoolers, and a pre-school kid when we first came to Canada. I must admit I am indebted to the two Catholic schools my kids attended because they have helped me instill in them good values. At least it was not hard for me since they already have the foundation within themselves. I think this is very important because kids are vulnerable, and can easily get swayed by their surroundings and intimidated by peer pressure.
As parents, I believe it is essential that we get ourselves involved in our children?s activities. Here in Canada, it is very hard to constantly monitor them because most parents are busy with their jobs?some even have two jobs makingit almost impossible to have quality time with the kids. I myself am guilty of this sometimes. Although I only have one full-time job, housework tends to take my time away from them.
Unlike in Manila, where I can sit down with them while they do their homework, I have no choice but to squeeze in only a few minutes at night to help them out. It is a good thing I am blessed with talented kids so they seldom come to me for help with their homework. Despite all this, they have maintained good grades and have been in the honor roll in school. My daughter is also part of the senior strings orchestra playing the violin and my son in the junior band playing the trombone. They also participate actively in the school talent shows. My husband has always emphasized the importance of keeping the traditions they have grown up with saying ?po? and ?opo? and kissing the hands of elders.
Raising teenagers these days I have realized is like flying a kite?you need to let the kite go with the wind while holding on to the ball of string connected to it. A few times you need to give it a thug to keep it from spiraling downward and when it does, you wind up the string so it would not crash and get torn off. In the same way we need to let our children go out with their friends and enjoy, give them some reminders when they go overboard, and if they stray, we take them back.
My husband and I allow our teenagers to attend parties in school or in their friend?s house provided we know who they are going with, the exact address and contact numbers of their friends. My husband sets a designated time to pick them up because we do not want them to take the transit especially if it is late. I also make it a point to keep a list of their friends? telephone numbers in case of emergencies. I have even opened a Facebook account to monitor and make sure they do not go overboard with their postings. Computer use for games and surfing has a time schedule as well.
Having all these rules does not necessarily mean everything will go smoothly. We have had occasions where conflict occurs and arguments happen. I remember one instance when my son said he was going to a beach party. Around midnight I got a call from his friends saying he was feeling sick and if we can pick him up. I was so scared then thinking he might have had alcohol poisoning. He was so drunk when we picked him up and he said he could not breathe and his stomach was hurting. We headed straight to the hospital. We were up the whole night keeping watch over him. Good thing he only had too much to drink and nothing more. Thank God he has learned his lesson after that.
There is also this incident about my daughter?s excessive cell-phone use. I woke up around 3 a.m. and heard her talking to someone. She also went beyond her allowable text messages. This prompted us to confiscate her phone as soon as she comes home from school. I also made her pay from her allowance the additional charges on her bill. Issues about dressing up also come up once in a while and we have always called her attention if she went beyond the boundaries of decency. She now realizes that the fuss was all for her own good.
Another time, my other son once stormed out of the house in the middle of an argument when I insisted that he was not telling the truth. When situations like these arise, I have to thank my husband who acts as the intermediary between me and the kids. I have always been the disciplinarian in the house setting all the rules and he always acts as the bridge so there would be a compromise. He would be the one to talk to them and explain the situation since I can become too emotional and even hysterical at times.
Whenever I talk to my mom about these things, she would always remind me that children today are far more different from us when we were young. Being too strict and acting like a dictator do not work with them nowadays. It is now more of being a friend and a confidante but at the same time maintaining the respect due to us as parents. I can still recall the line she uses to end her scolding, ?You will never understand how it is to become a parent unless you become one yourself?. Now that I am one, I definitely agree with her on that.
