Outtakes

English dictionary to add Pinoy pork barrel-inspired words

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LONDON—Every year the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) adds new words based on evidence of their popular usage.

Sir Alexie Conn, a spokesperson for OED in London, told Outtakes/INQUIRER.net that new words from the Philippines are seriously being considered for inclusion.

Here are just some of the words that reportedly could end up in the OED, to join such illustrious company as selfie, twerk, boink.

Pdafhile—a lawmaker who lusts after fresh Department of Budget Management disbursements from his/her pork barrel allotment

stypend—a pdafhile’s dirty, secret commission from pork funds approved for a fake project or NGO; syn., kickback, pork diem

porquisites—advantages of political office enjoyed by a sitting pdafhile

napolestation—abuse of taxpayers’ money by pdafhiles and well-connected scammers known as janetors or swinedlers

 

janetor—one who takes taxpayers to the cleaners or cleans out government coffers, often with lapidity; adj., janetorial

lapidity—the speed of acting without cause, e,g., purchasing with pork funds “antidengue innoculants” for Polillo, Quezon, when no cases of dengue fever were reported there

bulokracy—rotten government channels that enable napolestation due to absence of transparency or sunshine law

 

kuyanymous—adj., being hidden behind the respectable alias of “kuya” used by senator whose ex-president father is now a mayor; see also, pogilistic

estradition—natural transfer from father to son of estradavirus that triggers kuyanymous, eraptive and same-o same-o practices; facilitated by a social secretary who contacts swinedlers

tandacy—the tendency of an elderly former Senate president to ponceficate

ponceficate—to maintain silence and posture of indifference as incriminating gigibytes of pdafhilic evidence mount

gigibyte—volume of cash delivered to a tandacious senator’s former chief of staff by a janetor’s driver.

enrilated—the supposed nature of the relationship between a gigibyte and a tandacy.

revillation—the embarrassing exposure of a photo of a pogilistic pdafhile partying with a janetor, after he had publicly denied knowing her

ferdinantadj., description of a pdafhile’s adamant claim that his dead dictator father was the best thing that ever happened to the country; also means “like father like son”

honascence—the professed state of not ever knowing the janetor-wife of one’s close army buddy and former co-coup plotter

monsignority—priority given a Catholic priest to “rent” the Forbes Park home of a janetor

oinkling—a hunch that a congressman or senator is a guilty of pdafhilia

qui tam onalat., legal term for the vindication of public’s oinkling that a legislator is pdafhilic

sumbongdinates­­—a janetor’s former employees who are now “telling all” about their boss and her legislative partners

turoancy—enforced absence of finger-pointing sumbongdinates who are kept in safe houses for their own protection

santiagonize—to displease a lawmaker, whose blood pressure keeps shooting up at the smell of pork and makes her go kamikaze

foifect—adj.; description of much needed FOI (freedom of information) transparency law as an antidote to pdafhilia and bulokracy

delimanate—to prosecute pdafhiles and janetors without mercy

ombudextrous—adj., quality of delimanation; see also carpomoralescent

 

carpo diem—lat.; motto meaning “seize the bastards” (and their stypends)

However, I’ve been warned that while these words are excellent candidates for inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary, they may fail to make it due to future lack of use, depriving us of the honor.

Sir Alexie Conn explained: “IF, with the help of turoant sumbongdinates, an ombudextrous delimanation of pdafhilia is carried out, successfully carpo dieming pdafhiles, janetors and swinedlers thereby preventing further napolestation, then the prospective additions would no longer be included for lack of use.”

Well, in that case, I’m pretty sure Filipinos would much prefer to be at a loss for words.

Disclaimer: The comments uploaded on this site do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of management and owner of INQUIRER.net. We reserve the right to exclude comments that we deem to be inconsistent with our editorial standards.

  • pedronimo

    Love the fun puns. May I add: Mannypack- money a pugilist earns from boxing.

  • palakasantayo

    Other countries will have no use for these words. Keep them in the Philippine dictionary. These words will be of use on a regular basis in a hopeless Pinas.

  • PinoyNYC10128

    WHY is NOY-NOYING not included in the list ? !!!!!!

  • mark_john21

    you made my day! hahahahahah

  • @centaurchief

    hahaha… full of puns intended! seriously hilarious!!!

  • innit1

    hahahaha. This is brilliant!!

  • frankahilario

    This is all very creative. But we Filipinos are very creative only when we want to destruct. Why don’t we be very creative in trying to construct?

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